I was happy one moment, and blue all over now.
You, took everything away. But to think again, nobody can take anything that I dont want to give away from me. So, it's me again?
Nobody can ruin my life if I dont allow them to.
Nevermind, I had always known. Life is unfair. It is and it always will be.
HAH. Reminds me of sth Mummy said. 'When you see others in wrong, think for yourself. What had you done right?'
Very true. All I am doing is harping on other people's inadequate, flaws and etc.
Then I realised, I had never done anything right.
Is there a all-cure potion to solve all my problems and let me start afresh? I dont care if i would lose myself because I really need happiness in my life right now. Its like selling my soul to the devil. The question is, can I be redeemed?
Maybe not.
I can't forgive myself. I need others to forgive me first.
But to think again, Maybe I had underestimate the magnitude of [my/yours/hers/his/their/god/wtv deity]'s forgiveness.
I made people laugh but nobody makes me laugh.
I need a chance desperately.
Over the years, I have grown accustommed to your ways.
Broach the subject.
-
You are stashed somewhere in the depths.
And I know and can feel the darkness that resides within me. Need... to... suppress... it.
You know what? ASS STILL WORKS BEST. Bootlicking works. Hah, I am so stupid to live in my own so-called "righteous" and "holy" way. I thought if I uphold all this, I can attain happiness and love from others but I was wrong. Unscrupulous(not restrained by ideas of right and wrong) people still wins.
I had been a fool for 14 years. Should I continue to uphold my principle or let them down and forsake them for my goals? But it wouldnt be a true victory that I needed so badly.
Maybe. It doesnt matter anyhow. I dont want it to matter. I dont, so fucking get out of my life.
Ease the pain of knowing.
The hand from darkness took hold of a new victim. I dont want to be next. But wait, who am I to judge whether that hand is from hell or heaven.
God bless. Amen.
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